There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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