She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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