happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to calm my uterus...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
