I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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