Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
