why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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