Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
