last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
did i just pee glitter
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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