I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just tell him i said nine months
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Life is so much better after having sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
