I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
