I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize