woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
