So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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