If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
