rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize