she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize