I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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