We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
