Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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