The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
