Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
