She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
