My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
