I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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