I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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