He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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