I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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