It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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