Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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