I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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