Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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