I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
