i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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