I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
