I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize