That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My feet surprised me
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