She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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