WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Houston, we have a blender
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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