i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
