she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
