I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
