he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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