is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
