So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We left the knife in your bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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