Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Enjoy the penises
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
