Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
