Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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