It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
