Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
