Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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