So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
