Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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