Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
In America we eat man semen.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
