Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
