During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
