Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
