you guys were way drunker than both of me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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