i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have demons in me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
