How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
