i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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