Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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