Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
