girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
