Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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