So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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