I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
