hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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