How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
