my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
