Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
