Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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